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Jan DeBlieu

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New England Aquarium photo, January 2025

A Congregation of Whales

  One January day last year, in cold Atlantic waters over a rocky ledge off the Maine-New Hampshire border, the ocean surface was broken by the dark backs of whales—an astounding number of them, perhaps 70 or more, though they were difficult to count. North Atlantic right whales, among the most endangered creatures on Earth. 
            They had been drawn to the area, scientists surmised, by a prolific population of a copepod, a rich oceanic plankton on which they feed. To find so many of these whales so closely together was highly unusual. For weeks they gathered near the seamount known as Jeffreys Ledge. Lobster boat crews removed some of the lined buoys for their traps from the water column to reduce the chance that whales would become tangled in them. 
            North Atlantic right whales winter off New England and the Canadian Atlantic provinces but migrate to southern waters for calving. At one time they were so populous that their oil lit the houses of New England and well beyond. They were indeed the “right” species for whaling ships to target. Hunting them has long been outlawed, but ship strikes and entanglement in fishing gear have helped pushed the species perilously close to extinction. In 2024 only 384 North Atlantic right whales were known to be alive, far too low for the population to be stable.
            And now here were 70 or possibly swimming together, in numbers researchers had never seen. 
 
            A beautiful, mysterious animal on the brink of extinction: I hadn’t thought much about such creatures in decades, though for several years I thought about little else.
            During my early days on the Outer Banks—half a lifetime ago now—the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced plans to release eight rare red wolves into a swampy forest on the North Carolina mainland. The Alligator River National Wildlife Refuge, where this experiment would take place, was just west of the island where we lived. Red wolves no longer existed in the wild. Decades earlier the few scrawny, remaining pairs had been taken into captivity for breeding, a last-ditch effort to keep the species alive. Now their population had grown large enough to risk releasing some back out into the wild.
            At the time I was feeling a bit lost. I’d just published my first book and was deep into the panicky “Oh no, what’s next?” phase that often bedevils writers. 
            I called Mike Phillips, the biologist in charge of the red wolf reintroduction, and told him I’d like to write about it. Phillips was a sly man, and he needed bodies on the ground—the kind that could spend a few months in a buggy swamp forest and be happy (or at least not morose). Sure, he’d give me access to the wolves and the program biologists—if I’d agree to go to work for him as a caretaker for the animals, spending two-week shifts in a run-down trailer close to their pens. “You’ll have a front-row seat for everything that happens in the project,” he said. 
            How could I turn it down?
            It was in no way a glamorous assignment, as I learned when Phillips delivered a bloated, stinking, road-killed deer to my camping trailer outpost and directed me to chop it up for wolf food. I won’t lie: Jeff was staying in the woods with me that weekend, and he did the bulk of the butchering--which he will tell you to this day--was absolutely nauseating. And if I’d hoped for peace and quiet in this assignment, I was soon disappointed. Besides the clouds of mosquitoes and biting flies, at all hours U.S. Navy jets screamed overhead on training runs at a practice bombing range next to the wildlife refuge. 
            But what an amazing experience to live in a remote woodland alongside a pair of mated wolves! Besides blindly tossing them chunks of deer meat over a high wood-and-chain-link fence, I’d go into their pens with the biologists to check their condition. I helped hold them down as a vet gave them vaccines. Looking into their terrified eyes,  I ached for them. I silently cheered for them as, released from our grip, they ran to the pen's farthest corner.
            When four pairs of wolves were finally released, I was among those who radio-tracked them. One morning we went out to recapture a pair for a health check—and found that the female’s front right leg had been chewed off in a fight with a rival wolf. I followed those first released wolves as they lost their tentativeness and learned, or remembered, how to be wild. 

            Later I visited other rare animal rescue projects: tracking Florida panthers from the air; hiking deep into a jungle to watch Puerto Rican parrots at their nest boxes; roaming a Wyoming prairie where black-footed ferrets were being released. Watching from a blind as an Andean condor chick took to the air for the first time. She swooped and soared and suddenly stopped in midair, catching a thermal and rising straight up, lifted by that elevator of air.
            This was back when the few surviving California condors were still being held and bred in captivity. Andean condors had been brought into the state to test techniques for the release program, which turned out to be spectacularly successful. There are now an estimated 360 California condors living wild and another 200 in captivity.
            And the red wolves? The release program has suffered through dramatic turns and political controversies. But in February the Fish and Wildlife Service reported between 27 and 28 wolves roaming free in eastern North Carolina and another 280 in breeding programs. Last year a pair released to a refuge on St. Vincent National Wildlife Refuge near Apalachicola, Florida, birthed at least three pups.
            The stories I found in these programs were nail-bitingly suspenseful and filled with heroes. They made me hopeful. And here we are years later, with wild creatures facing even greater challenges in our quickly warming world. The congregation of whales around Jeffreys Ledge brought the alternating heartbreak and elation that marked my days of writing about rare species. 
            In today’s reigning political circles, America’s commitment to preserving wild creatures and wild lands is thought to be a waste. So much is wrong with our relationship to the natural world that my heart tends to shut down rather than dwell on the facts.
            Fortunately I have a coping mechanism, a mantra I use to buoy my spirits. It goes like this: Nature is going to win. The End.  Humans have done and will do continuous harm to the creatures that depend on wild places. We’re doing it even as I write this sentence. But honestly, we are mere blips in Earth’s long story. God loves us, I believe, but I doubt seriously that God loves what we’re doing to the created world. We’re harming ourselves as much as anything else. 
            There are still miracles to behold on this sad Earth—like a congregation of rare whales in cold New England waters. May we somehow attain the wisdom to support their existence, rather than shoving them ever closer to the edge.

‍ ‍ A captive red wolf. US Fish and Wildlife photo

PostedApril 9, 2026
AuthorJan DeBlieu
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The Golden Ball

A little girl in our extended family is in third grade this year, stirring up deep feelings in me. How did she get so big? It’s wonderful how much she’s grown and learned. Even so, I find myself fervently wishing that I could protect her from the perils of this world.

You see, third grade was when I lost the golden ball.

In Iron John: A Book about Men, the poet Robert Bly writes of the innocence of a young boy as symbolized by a golden ball. The boy plays with this ball, enjoys it—and one day loses it. I’m summarizing wildly here, but you get the idea.

I first heard of Bly’s work when we were newly married and living in Atlanta. Jeff was reading a copy of Iron John and finding it deeply meaningful. “It explains so much!” he said, talking about Bly’s golden ball theory.

“Wait a sec,” I said. What made him think girls don’t go through something similar?

He looked a little sheepish, my feminist guy. Well, he admitted, it’s possible they do. But Bly was writing from a strictly male perspective. “Maybe it’s different for girls,” Jeff said. “Maybe there isn’t a single moment when it happens.”

So I told him my story.

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PostedFebruary 24, 2026
AuthorJan DeBlieu
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Remembering Rodanthe

The morning light in our living room was sweet and clear, although the windows through which it poured were thickly coated with salt. Jeff and I sat looking at each other across the room, trying to come to terms.

            “This is what we both want,” he insisted. And indeed, it was.

            “This” was to stay right where we were, in our little wind-beaten rental house on fragile Hatteras Island. For 18 months we’d been living in the village of Rodanthe, just south of the wide, unspoiled beaches of the Pea Island National Wildlife Refuge. We’d moved to Hatteras so I could write a book, my first. Now the book was finished, but I was having trouble moving on. We’d just learned that this house was being put up for sale. It could be ours.

            There is so much to love about Hatteras Island and the rest of the Outer Banks: the long, sandy beaches, the marshes filled with birds. The lovely blue-green surf. The storms, which redraw the islands’ contours and serve as a constant reminder of who’s in charge (not us). I’ve never felt so close to nature as during my time on Hatteras.

But there is also much to fear in a landscape designed to wander and remake itself. If you were to imagine living on the back of a writhing dragon, you wouldn’t be far from the truth.

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PostedDecember 3, 2025
AuthorJan DeBlieu
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Tantrums for Peace--Once More

I’ve noticed recently that folks have been grouchier than usual—not just people I know, but the population in general. Fewer people are smiling, and often they seem impatient. These are not what I’d call the best of times.

I’ve been feeling it a bit myself—more tense, more irritable, something like the housewife in the old, “Mother please! I’d rather do it myself!” Anacin TV commercials. I was a kid when those came out, and my older brother and I used to tease our mother mercilessly about them. In time I came to feel a nearly boundless empathy for the woman stirring the soup that perhaps needed a little more salt.

Fortunately, years ago I stumbled on a sure-fire mood lifter for when my own pot threatens to boil over:

I retreat to a corner or a room where I’m alone and can move completely freely—nothing close by that I might hit. And then I begin to rage.

With my feet wide apart, often a little bent over, I clench my fists and swing my arms up and down in frustration, silently screaming why why why?, or whatever phrase best captures the complaint of the moment. This is generally interlaced with words that would have spurred my mother to wash out my mouth with soap. All of this is in silence (except on the very worst days—and even then, only when no one’s around).

It takes about 45 seconds before my anger and energy are spent, though it can seem much longer. Utterly worn out, I flop into a chair. Am I finished? Can I get up, go out, and face the world with equanimity? No? I rage again until I can.

I stumbled on the value of these solitary tantrums years ago, when my mom was still alive. Much of the caring for her fell on me, even though I lived seven hours away.

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PostedAugust 28, 2025
AuthorJan DeBlieu
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KNOWING CHICK

His given name was not Chick, of course. It was Charles. But I never met anyone who called him that. Maybe the IRS, if they ever had reason to contact him, which I seriously doubt. Maybe God, although it’s hard to imagine that would be the case. His friends and anybody who had ever volunteered alongside him knew him as Chick.

            He worked extensively with the poor and homeless. He helped open a center where they could be welcomed and warmed. Perhaps all this came from a troubled past of his own; I’m not sure. And he smiled, eyes crinkling. That was, I think, the main thing he did in life. It was a kind smile, and a little jesting, and above all, loving. It instantly said, “Hello! I see you. Welcome into my life!” Each time I met him, I went away feeling—better, yes, but more than that. It was as if I’d just brushed against someone who exuded all I wanted to nurture within myself. For a while afterwards, I’d make an effort to see the people around me, and to connect with them in some positive way.

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PostedJuly 10, 2025
AuthorJan DeBlieu
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